One Year On
by Rainbow345uk
Summary: Authors Note! Sequel to Contagion - Did Abby survive? How do the staff deal with the events one year later? (Don't necessarily need to have read contagion, although it might help)
1. Memories

One Year On

Authors note: Hi ya guys, this fic is a sequel, as those of you familiar with Contagion will know. It deals with the aftermath of the events that happened in that fic, so if this one looks interesting, then you may want to read Contagion first, although you can pick up the plot through the recap. Happy reading! Rainbow xx

Recap: Previously on ER:

A guy was brought in from an MVA and ended up spreading a virus throughout Chicago, including our favourite hospital. From that moment on, the staff begin to fall ill. Firstly it's Carter. Then Kerry and Abby are quarantined in trauma one, and Randi becomes infected and later dies. Then we find out that Abby in infected, but Kerry is in the clear. Abby becomes critical, while Carter recovers. A vaccine is then found, but was it too late for Abby? It ended with Carter in the rain, with a certain diamond ring. 

One Year On

**Part 1 - Memories**

One year to the exact day. A whole 365 days. And even though that everyone has tried not to look back, it was near impossible. Some people had tried to block it from their minds every time that they arrived for work in the same hospital. Others couldn't bear to step back in, and had left. But this was the one day that would change all that. The one day that cracks would finally appear in the many lives that had been rebuilt.

Carter stood alone in the ambulance bay. He stared toward the entrance, trying to force the memories to the back of his mind. But it was to no avail. There was no escape from the images that not only plagued his dreams, but now his consciousness too. He had been struggling ever since. On good days, he managed to ignore them, on bad days, they were unavoidable. 

Most mornings he would wake early, and even though he opened his eyes, they were still there, and they seemed more real. Today was a mixed day. For once he had overslept, he had had a good night. The same nightmare that had invaded his dreams for the past few weeks had failed to haunt him. But he knew that today wasn't going to be easy. 

He hoped that this would be the final hurdle. That once he made it through the day, and he had confronted all the demons, that he would be left in peace. But no one knew how the day was going to turn out. So hope was all he had. And it was strong.

He watched as yet another ambulance pulled up and walked to its doors, waiting for the paramedics to unload another patient. He still had another 15 minutes until his shift began, but he couldn't face waiting around, he needed to busy himself, so that's what he did. He jumped in at the deep end, drowning the bad memories, and only letting the good ones to the surface.

Well that's part one, hope u liked it. I promise more will be revealed as we go on, just hang in there a little longer. Why not hit that review button while u wait? U never know, it might make the time pass quicker!! Part 2 here soon,

Rainbow xx 


	2. Recognition

One Year On

**Recognition**

Susan 

I glance up at the clock, only to be disappointed. It reads 12.15pm. There's still another 3 hours until this dreaded shift is over. Any other day and it would have been fine. But today was no other day. Today was _the _day. The day that people wished would never come. The day I wished that could just somehow be over, with me having no recollection that it ever took place. But that would be wishing for a miracle or something. Wishing for the impossible.

I stand at the admit. Desk, slowly trying to regain the composure that I never realised I had lost. I swear I'm losing my mind. I grab the chart from the desk, and carefully read its contents. For some reason I've been double-checking the symptoms of every patient. I say _some reason_, but I know damn well why. I just don't want to admit it in case I tempt fate. 

Apart from that, I have managed to suppress the memories, well the bad ones anyway. Well that was what I thought. But then I should have known better. There was so much emotion that day, that it was virtually impossible that it would not somehow affect me a year on. 

I was making my way to curtain three, when the paramedics came bursting through the doors. Kerry was already with them, but I could tell that she was going to another pair of hands. And at that moment in time, there were no others but mine. I shoved the chart back to its resting place on the desk, and quickly followed them into trauma one. And that was when my protective barrier started to crumble.

The victim was a male in his thirties, suffering head and neck injuries due to an MVA. The alarm bells started to ring in my head, but I ignored them, jumping into medical mode before I had a chance to fully understand the information. It was only when we intubated him and hooked him up to the heart monitor that the realisation finally hit. And it hit hard. 

The constant beeping of the heart monitor sent me flying into a trance. The memories pressed firmly at the back of my mind, had at last resurfaced. And they were drowning me. It wasn't just the simple thought of what this all meant, the fact that the whole nightmare began with this same scenario, it was the whole incident. Thoughts combined with images that I couldn't run from.

I was totally oblivious to the screams of Kerry. It wasn't until she grabbed my arm, that I managed to break free. I turned, and made eye contact with her. I saw the recognition splash across her face. Her grip loosened a little, conveying a hint of sympathy as well as her anguish. I'm not sure whether it was the anguish at realising what was happening, or whether it was because she had somehow managed to forget what the significance of today was. I find the latter very unlikely. Out of us all, she was one of the ones that had taken it very badly. She had even considered resigning. Not only from the hospital, but from medicine altogether. We convinced her to stay though, god knows how.

With the MVA guy stabilised, and him showing no signs of any virus, I made my way to the lounge. I needed to sit down, before I was forced into collapsing by my failing body. I suddenly felt faint, and my head felt like it was being slammed into the ground. Maybe that was the feeling of a mind when it was overpowered by horrible memories. 

I sit on the sofa, after pouring some of the strongest coffee I've ever tasted. But it was just what I needed. I really didn't want to be here. I feel like hiding, but then that would be too much like _that_ day. The day I managed to avoid the ER completely, until the early hours of the morning. Until I realised that I had turned my back on my friends. I wasn't about to do that again. We're all in the same boat, we're all experiencing the same memories.

I finish the last remaining drops of the black liquid cooling in the bottom of the cup. I glance towards the window, and see the flashing lights sifting through. I grab my stethoscope from the sofa, and head out into the ER.

Well that's part two, sorry it took so long. I'm not gonna say part three here soon, but I will say that I'll try to get it here soon!!

But in the mean time please review.

In response to Kathryn5's questions, you'll find out soon if Abby is still alive, and jing-mei got infected when she was with malucci. Hope that helps you a bit.

Anyway back in a while wiv part 3

Rainbow xx


	3. Recognition II

**One Year On**

**Part three – Recognition II**

**Kerry**

I stood in the ambulance bay, wrapping my white coat around me as tightly as I could. I tried desperately to keep the bitter chill that hung in the air at bay, but it was no use. It somehow made its way through the tiny holes in the fabric. I watch as the ambulance pulls up, and the medics jump out. I push my thoughts about the cold firmly out of the way, and let the medical ones take over. This person is depending on me to save their life; thinking about the cold isn't going to help.

I break away from the spot that I have occupied for the past 10 minutes and make my way towards the back of the rig. I grab part of the gurney, and help to lower it to the waiting ground. Just as I do, the EMT begins the 'handover'.

"Male in his thirties, involved in an MVA. Severe head and neck injuries. Crashed once in the field."

I seemed to have difficulty in putting the puzzle together, even though all the pieces were there, right in front of me.

We wheeled the patient through the ER and into trauma one. I hesitated for a moment, but it was only a second at most. Not even time to put my thoughts in order, let alone think about them in depth. I refocused my concentration on the situation in hand, and took control. I gazed towards the door as I saw Susan enter. I couldn't make out the look on her face, but now wasn't the time to try and figure it out.

I snapped out of contemplation mode and back into medical mode. I started barking out my commands, ordering all the usual, necessary medical tests. We hooked up the heart monitor, and waited for its constant echo of life. And luckily there was one.

I called over to Susan, trying to get her attention. But I couldn't seem to get through to her. She seemed to be completely oblivious to me. Well, now I know why.

I placed my hand on her arm, not really sure about how hard my grip was. I continued to shout at her, I needed her attention. And soon I would have it. I tightened my grip further, and finally she turned to face me. Now I understood her facial expressions. I saw the emotion in her eyes. I loosened my grip in an attempt to show her that I understood, show her recognition.

Throughout the early hours of my shift, I had managed to forget – no, not forget - just push, those memories to the side, to let me get on with the job. But now there was no escape.

Even the guilt started to resurface. The guilt, that although would never disappear, I thought I had overcome.

We got the MVA guy stabilised, and sent upstairs. The warmth of the memories was now too much, and I craved for that bitter chill. So I headed outside, and that's where I am now. Outside, on the sanctuary that the roof has become. Maybe I could toss the guilt and the memories over the edge. But I know that's not possible without me falling with them. So, instead, I somehow bury them deep inside me. I know that I will never be able to bury them deep enough, and that I will encounter them again, sooner rather than later. But I just have to take each moment at a time, and pray for the day to end as quickly as possible.

I grab the handle on the door, and slowly make my way back into the warmth, back into the ER.

Well that's part 3, and all will be revealed in the near future, just hang in there! If your lucky, it might be part four!

Please keep reviewing, and thanx to those that have, both on this story and Contagion.

Rainbow xx


	4. Recollections

One Year On – Part 4

Recollections 

I make my way through the ambulance bay, concentrating on the sounds of the city, instead of the thoughts in my head. The sound of the El thundering away, the sound of engines roaring and stuttering over and over; the tale tell signs of a major traffic jam somewhere close by. And I think to myself how glad I am that I walked to work today. I steal a quick glance to look at my watch, and discover that I'm close to half an hour early.

I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not. It'll give me some time to prepare for the day ahead, but it means that I have to spend an extra 30 minutes reliving that day. I could go for a walk, get away from here for a short time, at least that would give me some space to think, but I fear that I'd get lost in that space, and not want to come back here. Ever.

And that's something that I can't do. Not just because I would be leaving everyone behind, but also because it would mean that it had beaten me. That although the actual nightmare is over, its deep, dark shadow would remain. And in some ways it already does.

I slip into the lounge unnoticed, well, I hope at least. I want a few moments to myself.

I'm only on a six-hour shift today, thank god. I don't think I could handle much more. Being in the same place, on the same day, with the same people . . . God, I really can't bring myself to remember. But as I look toward the table, I'm forced into it. A copy of the Chicago Times lays slightly crumpled upon it, the sign that someone has already read it. Probably by the same forces that are compelling me to read it too.

I remove it gently from its resting place, as if it's some kind of sacred parchment. I glance at the front page. I can't really miss the headline: Chicago Remembers. It takes up most of the front page, and gives the impression that people might have forgotten what day it is. Maybe some people have. I haven't. Neither has anyone else in this hospital.

I read the article. Taking each word in at a time. 

The people of Chicago, as well as the whole nation, are today remembering the tragic outbreak of a lethal virus that claimed a total of 218 victims. Memorial services are being held across the city, and are expected to be attended by hundreds.

_The outbreak started at the Cook County General hospital, and quickly spread throughout the city. Officials still haven't confirmed the exact source of the virus, although several links have been made to South Africa. Also officials have failed to say whether there are any suspicious circumstances surrounding it._

I can't read anymore. I get through the first column, and can feel the tears welling behind my eyes. I don't want to let them fall; I don't want to give in. I let the feeling pass, and replace the paper on the table, ready for the next pair of eyes that are attracted to it. 

I take a second glance at my watch, and I'm surprised that half an hour has already passed. Surprised, but pleased. If only the rest of the day would go as quick. I pull the small pill bottle from my pocket, and place it on the table, as I get a glass of water.

I will never forget what this day is. I won't be allowed to. Everyday I take the pills that allow me to survive. And every time that I do, I remember. They act as a trigger. And every time I take them, the thoughts and memories are stirred, and make it to the forefront of my mind.

Just like they're flooding through now. I remember as though it was yesterday. I remember everything. From the moment the John Doe came in, to the painful stares of Kerry. From the moment I hit the cold, hard floor of trauma one, to the moment I finally came round, just over 3 weeks later. How I lasted that long no one knows, not even me. The moment that I gave in to my failing body was the moment, I believed, I had given my life. But how grateful I am to have made it can't be put into words. 

Those aren't the only memories that are stirred though. Memories of my recovery are also recollected. I had to stay in hospital for another 8 long, painful weeks. But Carter, John, was there with me every step of the way. And that's made us stronger than ever. 

My heart may not be physically as strong as it used to be, but in emotion and love, it's excelled. And all for one man.

A few weeks later, when I finally returned to work, doing reduced shifts, he proposed to me, in front of all the ER staff. Before, I would have crucified him for it. But now, I couldn't have wished for a better way. He even got down on one knee.

You hear people describing their other half as their rock. Before, I never thought I would understand that concept. I never even thought I would get married again, let alone find someone. But Carter truly is my rock. When I needed someone to lean on, he never backed off. He was there for me, and he still is.

I gaze down at the glistening diamond ring. We're getting married in just under two weeks, and I can't wait.

But first, I have to get through this day. We all do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's part 4 everyone! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it! 

With it being close to the anniversary of September 11th, I just want to say that we remember all those who died, and think of their families and those who survived.

Well part 5 will be here sometime, but please review in the mean time. Also don't flame me if the Chicago Times doesn't exist, living in the UK, I wouldn't know!

That's it for now, 'til next time. . . .

Rainbow345uk


	5. Tears From Heaven

**Part – 5 **

**Tears From heaven**

**Authors Note:** Thanks guys, you're great! Sorry it's been ages, been really busy. To make up for it, here's part 5 and 6! Part 7 will probably be here in a couple of weeks, got exams coming up. Just watch this space!!

Another ambulance pulls up outside, its siren sounding, warning people of its arrival. Luckily this isn't an emergency, just the transfer of a patient from Mercy. Susan stands close to the entrance, careful to make way for the gurney heading towards her. She folds her arms in an attempt to trap the warmth that is so quickly escaping. She stares at the hands rotating around her watch. The time is just before 3 in the afternoon. To be precise, just 15 minutes before 3.

People start to slowly filter through the entrance, out into the ambulance bay. All braving the freezing temperatures to remember and to pay their respects to the many lives that were lost on that day. 

The once empty ambulance bay is now crowded. And although Susan was stood near to the entrance, she is now lost within the gathering. 

Carter holds tightly onto Abby's hand, as though she is a child that will also be lost in the mass. But then she holds onto him just as tightly. The feelings mutual, neither of them wants to lose each other. They somehow manage to seek out Susan, and begin to make their way towards her.

Kerry is next, making the short journey out from the ER. She chooses to stand alone, at the back. She doesn't want to let on about her feelings of guilt, about the constant aching of her heart. They believe that she managed to put it all behind her, especially with Abby's survival and with her forgiveness. But what they believe isn't the truth.

Although she admits to herself that she has managed to put some of it behind her, if she hadn't, then she wouldn't be back here. But there's no way that she could block it all out. She just manages to cope, taking each day at a time. She doesn't think of it everyday, but it's always there at the back of her mind.

The gathering is complete, a total of 122 staff from all areas of the hospital. The gathering to remember the souls who are forever lost, but not forgotten.

Silence begins to travel across the crowd, until the only sounds to be heard are those of the busy city, not too far away. And then it begins, the recollection of that day.

"A total of 218 lives were lost. 37 were staff at this hospital. Today is a day that this city, this hospital, will never forget."

There was a short pause, to let statistics sink in, as if they already hadn't.

"One year ago today, this city fell victim to a terrible virus. A nightmare that was, until then, only bound to the realms of fiction. But now we know, at the sacrifice of those lives, just how wrong we were. Those many lives that belonged to our colleagues, our friends, our family."

There was another short pause,

"May we join together, to honour their memory, in a 2 minute silence."

Silence once again fell. This time it was suffocating. They had already had their own 2 minute silence in their own way. They had already thought about those who died, and it wasn't just today that they remembered, it was everyday. In some respects, it was like a prison sentence. There was no way to escape the thoughts. But nevertheless, they still joined in the memorial service, still attended.

The silence was disturbed by the sound of raindrops hitting the tarmac. It felt as though it was cold enough to snow, but instead rain slowly fell to the ground. 

As quickly as it had started, it was over. Their respects had been paid, the lost souls remembered. The crowd began to break up. Susan, Carter and Abby made their way back into the ER.

Susan was the first to speak, the first to break the silence that had fallen between friends.

"Well, I'm off in 5. Can't say I envy you two."

"I wouldn't either" Carter replied.

"Do you want to meet at Doc Magoo's later?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea to me. Abby?"

"Yeah, the sooner we're out of this place, the better."

They headed through the entrance, as did the others that had gathered. 

Kerry made a quick glance towards the grey clouds rolling overhead. And then she, too, made her way into the ER.

And with that, all that remained in the ambulance bay, were the tears falling from heaven.


	6. Mysterious Ways

Part – 6

**Mysterious Ways**

I sit alone in the lounge, letting my thoughts block out the silence that is engulfing me. I wish they could shield me from my sadness, but I know that's impossible. Only a few hours ago, I was ok, looking forward to my second chance at life, looking forward to spending it with John. But standing out there, in the cold, and remembering that day, has put a new spin on things. And no matter how much I try to think of happy thoughts, of happy memories, I am always lead back to one thing, one thought.

I steal a quick glance at the clock, only to be disappointed. It's only 3.24pm. That's good and bad. Only 3 more hours and I can walk away from this place and put it to the back of my mind until tomorrow, and only 5 more minutes until I am forced to submerge myself back into the pile of charts that are so eagerly awaiting my professional opinion. But until then, in those 5 slow minutes, my mind drifts back to the one thing that I know everyone is trying to escape. 

I know I should be happy, considering I am a survivor, and although my health isn't 100%, I should be grateful that I am still alive. But it's hard to think of that, when so many of those around you weren't so lucky. Everywhere I look, every pair of eyes that lock onto mine, and I stare deep into, there is one thing that jumps out at you. And that is that those who somehow managed to avoid the darkness that was spread on that day one year ago, are suffering in ways that only they understand. They may have escaped the clutches of death, but they haven't escaped the emotions that accompany the loss of someone dear to them.

But that isn't the only thing that you can see when you delve into the dark pits of their eyes. You can see things that they try so hard to hide, the things that they dare not say inn your presence, or that of anyone else. The things that they feel, but bury deep within themselves.

I see it everywhere I look. What can I see? Is the question that you so eagerly want answered.

What I can see, is the question that plagues the thoughts of many. They want to know why I survived and their loved ones didn't. What I can see is the anger that they don't want me to see. The anger that I survived.

I go to work everyday, trying to put it to the back of my mind. But sometimes it finds a flaw in my self-defences, and I have no choice but to give in. It's those days that I feel the guilt the most. The guilt that I lived and others didn't. But more to the point, that I survived and for what reason? Maybe it's because Carter needs me. But what about all those children out there who need their mother or father? Carter could have found someone else, those children can't find another parent.

I know I shouldn't dwell on my luck or fate, or whatever it is that allowed me to pull through and live, but sometimes it's hard to comprehend, hard to understand why I was chosen to survive. I guess that as my life goes on, I will one day find out. But until that day comes, I will just have to live with the fact that I survived.

I suppose the saying is true, that the world does work in mysterious ways.

Sorry for all da angst, it will get a lot happier! Thanx for sticking with it,

Rainbow xxx


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